On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.

On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."

Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.

Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.

Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.

Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?

Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.

Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!

Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.

Several days later the two farmers meet up.

Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?

Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!

Luke: Didn't anyone complain?

Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.

A talent scout is walking down the street and comes across a man and his dog. The little dog is singing. He has a lovely voice and the talent scout says, "Come to my office. I want to sign you and this marvelous dog to a contract. This dog can make us both rich."

The man brings his little dog to the talent scouts office. The little dog is just about to finish singing "La Donna E' Mobile" (and sounding like Luciano Pavarotti), when a large dog runs into the room and grabs him by the scruff of the neck. It runs away with him in her mouth.

The talent scout yells, "Stop her. She's taking away our fortune!"

The man replies, sadly, "It's no use. That's his mother. She doesn't want him to be an entertainer. She wants him to be a doctor."

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.

Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken.

The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.

The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.

As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.

The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front.

Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.

After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens.

"Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own."

"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."

A young boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.

“That’s an elephant”, the mother said.

After the child repeated after her, he asked, “Mommy? What’s that thing hanging down from the elephant?”

The mother replied, “That’s his trunk, sweetheart.”

“No, no”, said the child, “Behind that!”

“Oh, that’s his tail”, she said.

“No, no!” the boy exclaimed. “That thing in the middle!”

The woman was flustered and replied, “Uhhhh, that’s nothing, honey!” And they moved on…..

The next weekend, the boy’s father came to pick him up and the child cried, “Daddy, let’s go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!”

The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, “Elephant!”

“Very GOOD”, beamed the father. “I’m proud of you for remembering all these animals!”

The boy asked, “Daddy? What’s that thing hanging down on the elephant?”

The father replied, “That’s his trunk.”

“No!”, the boy moaned, “Behind that!”

“That’s his tail”, the father replied.

“No, no! That thing in the middle!”

The father stammered, “Er…what did your mother say it was?”

“She said it was nothing!”

“Well”, the man said, puffing out his chest. “Your mother’s spoiled!”

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!

The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.

"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked.

The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.

The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat is really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I have him tied to a big, old cinder block."