MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

A limerick and a haiku (senryu) with teeth today.  First, my limerick:

I think I’m becoming unglued —
Not my mind, but a cap caught on food.
But I can’t blame the guy
Who implanted it.  Why?
I forgot to get perm-glued — not shrewd!

And now my haiku (senryu):

The left and the right
May mouth off at each other,
But both hate dentists.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about dentists and/or teeth. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.  And please post a comment as well.

I don’t usually write about technology, unless I’m writing limericks and haiku about sundry computer, spam, email, voice mail, and other techie aggravations.

But I’m making an exception today because I want to share my wonderful discovery: WP-SpamFree. I’m not exaggerating when I say it miraculously removes the WordPress comment spam moderation headache. How? It blocks all spam coming from bots; i.e., almost all spam. So it never even gets into your moderation queue.

I don’t know about you, but I used to wade through so much spam while moderating comments, that my eyes would glaze over and I’d inadvertently delete a legit comment. In fact, sometimes I’d get so disgusted, that I’d delete all pending comments without looking at them — I just didn’t have time to scan them and find the very few worth keeping.

Anyway, a few days ago I installed WP-SpamFree on both of my WordPress blogs, and my moderation woes ended immediately.  Now my comments moderation screen is almost spam-free — it just shows just a bit of human-posted spam plus comments worth approving.  So no more wasted time and no more accidentally deleted legit comments.

Hurray!

Oh …  in case anybody’s wondering … I was NOT paid to rave about this fabulous (and free) plugin.

Here’s something fun for food-loving poets: TimeOut New York is having a pie-ku haiku contest. Here’s the one I submitted:  

A freshly baked pie:
Tasty dessert and fragrant
Co-op buyer bait.

Technorati Tags: Pie Verse, Food Haiku, Pie-ku, Pie Haiku, TimeOut, New York, Home Selling Poem, Co-op Humor, New York City Verse

Sunday Scribblings asks poets to brag about themselves in verse. So here’s my bragging haiku:

I don’t mean to brag,
But I’m proud of the fact that
I’m not a braggart.

Technorati Tags: Bragging Rights, Braggart Verse, Ego Humor

Today I’ve decided to have some homonym fun and I hope you will too.  I’ve written two haiku about meat and a limerick using the word meet.  First, my limerick:  

Whenever I meet someone new,
I use memory tricks till I’m blue.
But it’s always the same —
I forget ev’ry name
Right away — hope they blank mine out too.

And now my two meat haiku (senryu):

Jews who keep kosher
Have anti-pig-meat bias:
“Don’t reform!” say pigs.

I can’t understand
Those who oppose beef-eating,
Except, perhaps, cows.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse using the homonyms meet and meat, or some other pair of homonyms if you prefer. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

Update: I added a second haiku, after commenter Stan Ski correctly pointed out that my cow haiku was about meat, but didn’t include the word meat.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants 

UPDATE 2: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your homonym verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here. 

Technorati Tags: Meeting Humor, Memory Limerick, Meat Humor, Homonym Poems, Memory Tricks, Beef Eaters, Keeping Kosher, Food Verse, Writing Prompts, Cow Poem, Pig Haiku, Jewish Humor

Cool news!  Nearly 4000 people submitted haiku to the McPalin Haiku Hysteria contest held by People For The American Way and The Nation Magazine.  And I’m one of the twelve finalists!!!  So I’d really appreciate your voting for my haiku here. Thanks!  (You can find more about this on my other (political humor) blog.

Technorati Tags: Palin Haiku, Nation Magazine,  Haiku Contest, People For The American Way, PFAW Contest,  Writing Contest

Not-So-Stylish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ll admit that I’m not into clothes.
And I don’t follow style, heaven knows.
My apparel’s so old
It’s back “in”— so I’m told.
I’m half-tempted to strike up a pose.

You can find more style verse here.

Technorati Tags: Stylish Humor, Sense Of Style, Fashion Verse, Clothing Poem, Apparel Humor

Mac|Life Magazine is running a limerick-writing contest with a cool prize — a Wacom Intuos3 6×8 tablet.  The contest rules, which you can find here, include using the name Mac|Life within your limerick.

Here’s my submission:

A tech-savvy husband and wife
Once suffered occasional  strife:
When their fav’rite mag came
First dibs was their aim.
Their solution? Two subs to Mac|Life.

Technorati Tags: Mac|Life Magazine, Married Couple Humor, Relationship Poetry, Technology Limerick, Computer Verse

I sure hope many of you use (or at least are familiar with) Twitter.  Because Twitter is today’s limerick and haiku topic.  First, my limerick:

Twitter Jitters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I really don’t mean to sound bitter,
But it’s hard to fit humor on Twitter.
Posting  tweets so damn short
Is a challenging sport,
Cuz there’s no time for laughs — just a titter.

And now my Twitter haiku (senryu):

My tweets on Twitter:
Memories, links, mutterings.
Fragments of a life.

As you might have guessed, I use Twitter.  If you’d like to, you can follow my Twitter Tweets here.

But now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Twitter. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants 

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about Twitter in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here. 

Technorati Tags: Twitter Humor, Tweet Humor, Poetry Prompts, Internet Verse, Haiku Prompts

I awoke today to the sad news that the great Paul Newman has died.  Paul Newman has always been one of my favorite actors.  So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I encountered him many years ago in a New York bar.  At least, I’m pretty sure I encountered him, but you be the judge.  Here’s a column I wrote about the incident way back when:

OGLING EYES

I was ogled last night by a very handsome, classy looking, much older man. Now most women (and I’m no exception) are secretly gratified by the occasional gawker … unless catcalls and droopy drawers are involved. (Okay, maybe not the sponsors of the Anti-Ogling Addendum to the ERA.)

Unfortunately, I’m such an unobservant person, that I usually have to trip over an ogler to notice him. Here’s a recent exchange with hubby Mark:

   Mark: Did you see that guy leering at you?

   Me: What guy?

   Mark: The one you just stepped on … over there on the stretcher.

However, even I couldn’t fail to catch last night’s ogling. It lasted forty-five minutes, well beyond the flattering stage into the “keep your lascivious eyeballs to yourself, buster” stage.

But here’s the thing — I’m almost positive (although not lie detector positive) that those ogling eyes (and the rest of him) belonged to Paul Newman.

Yes, I know that sounds unlikely, if not downright absurd. What would Paul Newman be doing anywhere near me? And even if we did briefly and serendipitously share the same piece of real estate, surely he could find something better to eye. And why wasn’t he busy dodging hordes of autograph hounds pestering … and ogling … him? … (Ogling Eyes is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Paul Newman Humor, Celebrity Encounters, Actor Humor, Flirting

We’re in the middle of a financial crisis that affects almost everyone.  So I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks and haiku (senryu) about our Wall Street woes.  First, my limerick:

I shudder when opening mail,
And my sinking accounts make me wail.
I would sure like to beat
Up those guys on the Street,
But I fear that I can’t afford bail.

And now my haiku (senryu):

Financial vultures
First gobble up our assets,
Then demand dessert.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Wall Street woes. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until October 3rd to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants 

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about Wall Street woes in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here. 

Technorati Tags: Wall Street Woes, Financial Verse, Writing Prompts, Money Limerick, Finance Haiku, Economic Meltdown, Economy Humor

Caffeinated Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve rarely been tempted by tea,
And coffee does nothing for me.
Cappuccino,  however —
Can’t miss it.  Not ever!
Addicted? Heck no!  I’ll take three.

(Inspired by Sunday Scribblings’ coffee and addiction prompt.)

Technorati Tags: Tea Humor, Coffee Verse, Caffeine Humor,   Cappuccino Limerick, Addiction Poem

When I was in elementary school, I was really bad at two things — art and athletics.  Come to think of it,  I’m still bad at them.  And that leads me to this week’s alternative poetry prompt themes: school and/or things you aren’t good at.

First, a limerick about my art prowess … or lack thereof:

Please do not make me paint. Have a heart!
I was awful at art from the start.
Flunking finger paint’s rare,
But I did it. So there!
Use a house-painting pro and be smart.

And now my unathletic haiku (senryu):

I hope for my name,
As the girls pick their teammates.
Next to last again.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about school and/or things you aren’t good at. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until September 5th to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants 

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about school and/or things you aren’t good at in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here. 

Technorati Tags: Art Limerick, Gym Class Poem, House Painting Humor, School Humor, Elementary School Art, Writing Prompts, Teammates, Athletics

I’m very pleased that my Robert Benchley Society Humor Award has generated a fair amount of publicity.  This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.

Technorati Tags: Robert Benchley Society, Bob Newhart, Humor Awards, Writing Competitions

A new limerick, haiku, and senryu prompt (at long last) whose theme is jewelry, crafts, and engagements.  First, my limerick:

Engagement Bling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’m engaged,” said the gal to her mom.
“I’m in love and I’m marrying Tom.”
“But I don’t see a ring,”
Said her mom.  “Get some bling.
Until then, I intend to stay calm.”

And now my haiku (senryu):

Craft show earrings
Once adorned the riverfront
And now grace my lobes.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about jewelry, crafts, or engagements. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until September 5th to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants     

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your jewelry, crafts, and engagement-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here. 

Technorati Tags: Engagement Ring, Jewelry Humor, Earrings Haiku, Writing Prompts, Haiku Prompts, Crafts Fair, Mom Limerick, Love Humor, Fashion Verse

Yes, I’ve been very bad about posting lately.  Okay … delinquent.  But I promise I’ll get back to my limerick and haiku business very soon.

In the meantime, I have managed a couple of political humor posts on my other blog.  If you stop buy, you’ll find my John McCain song parody and my John Edwards limerick.

Hey, I may be a liberal, but who can resist poking fun at John Edwards these days?

Technorati Tags: John McCain, John Edwards, Edwards Pom, McCain Parody

Back in June I was thrilled to announce that I was a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Competition finalist. (The humor column that got me onto the finalists list is Guide For The Opera Impaired.) 

Well, I’m now beyond thrilled because Bob Newhart, the finalists judge, picked me as the FIRST PRIZE winner.

Mr. Newhart even sent me a handwritten personal note (reproduced below) explaining why he named me for the top Robert Benchley Society humor award.

Right now I’m verging on euphoria —a dangerous condition for a satirist.  But just to be mentioned in the same sentence as Mr. Benchley and Mr. Newhart is almost beyond comprehension.

Here’s Mr. Newhart’s note. (Needless to say, I plan to frame the original.)

UPDATE: I’m very pleased that my award has generated a fair amount of publicity.  This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.

Technorati Tags: Robert Benchley Society, Bob Newhart, Humor Awards, Writing Competitions

Please stay tuned for a big announcement, which is coming in the next day or so.  But in the meantime, I’ve been prompted to write about getting older.  So here’s my Gray Matters limerick:

Gray Matters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though young when I started to gray,
I refused to say, “Gray, go away!”
In the decades gone by
I have never used dye.
Mess with nature?  My answer is “Nay!”

My best wishes to LA’ers who’ve been through an earthquake today. Fortunately, so far at least, the damage hasn’t been bad.  I still have vivid memories of the really scary 1971 LA earthquake.

Technorati Tags: Gray Hair, Aging Limerick, Getting Older Verse, Hair Dye Humor

Sorry for the delay, but though my cast is finally off, I’m still having wrist problems.

Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is vacations. First, my limerick, which was inspired by my husband Mark:

Vacation Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband is swimming outdoors.
I expect he’ll be back when it pours,
Which it threatens to do
Ev’ry day, so he’s blue.
Yes, vacations are rain guarantors.

And now my haiku (senryu):

I’m on vacation,
Yet here I am writing verse.
Give it a rest, brain.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about vacations. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until August 1st to post it.

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your vacation-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Vacation Verse, Swimming Humor, Weather Poem, Writing Prompts, Rain Limerick, Writing Haiku

I’ve written a couple of posts & poems on my political humor blog that readers of this blog might find interesting.

The first is about New Yorker Magazine’s Barack Obama cover controversy.  My poem about the challenges of creating satire begins:

A Humorist’s Lament
Madeleine Begun Kane

A humorist like me sure knows
How tough it is to write, compose,
And sketch satiric toons and prose
And poems.  It’s not without its woes.

For instance, Barry Blitt’s lampoon,
New Yorker’s well-intentioned toon, …

The other is about a federal judge who lambasted plaintiff’s lawyer via judicial limerick.

Technorati Tags: Writing Satire, Judicial Limerick, New Yorker, Barry Blitt, Barack Obama