Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Hillary wants to be Obama’s Secretary of State. Hillary doesn’t know if she wants to be Secretary of State. Bill’s standing in her way. Bill’s fully cooperating. Obama’s made an offer. Obama hasn’t made an offer. The blogs think it’s a terrible idea. The blogs think it’s a great idea.

Just one question: Does anyone else think all this rumor-mongering is a wee bit silly?

What Would The Press Do Without Clinton Rumors? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The press is so desp’rate for drama
In a White House that’s run by Obama,
That they eagerly tell
Bill and Hill tales pell-mell.
No Clintons? They’d run home to mama.

I don’t usually write about computers and technology, unless I’m writing humor, limericks, and haiku about sundry computer, spam, software, web withdrawal, email, voice mail, and other techie aggravations on my other (non-political humor) blog.

But I feel compelled to share a wonderful (and free) plugin I just discovered that does a miraculous job of fighting spam — so miraculous, in fact, that the spam never even appears on your WordPress blog moderation queue. I’ve posted all about it here on my other blog. Download it, install it, and enjoy all the extra time you have to make fun of the GOP.

The Dems cave and give Joe Lieberman a meaningless punishment. What a surprise!

Democrats hand Joe
A tiny slap on the wrist.
Thumbs down to the Dems.

Now that the Democratic Senate majority has grown so much, Harry Reid plans to strip Joe Lieberman of his Homeland Security Committee chairmanship, even if Joe continues to caucus with the Democrats.  Sounds great to me! (Update: Lieberman’s chairmanship status will be determined by a secret Democratic Senate caucus vote on November 18th.)

Of course, Lieberman thinks Reid’s being mean and unfair.  Cuz apparently Dems are supposed to just look the other way after Lieberman disses Obama and campaigns enthusiastically for McCain, Palin and down-ticket Republicans.

Joe’s even intimating that he may caucus with the Republicans.  Well I, for one,  say good riddance, and I hope Harry Reid (and his fellow Dems) stick to their guns.   Lieberman can’t be trusted to back Dems when it comes to filibusters, so who needs him?

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Ode To “Traitor” Joe Lieberman
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Traitor” Joe is distressed — I don’t care.
He deserves to be stripped of his chair.
Cuz when push comes to shove
He shows Lieberman-love.
Mitch can take him … and buyer beware!

Technorati Tags: Lieberman Limerick, Campaign Satire, Senate Majority, Filibuster, Election Humor, Homeland Security Chairman, Harry Reid

Congratulations to Senators Obama and Biden. An historic election has come to a wonderful conclusion:

Celebratory Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, congrats on your win.
You have done it.  You’ve won it.  You’re in!
Now your job will be tough.
(Please don’t take any guff.)
Let the national healing begin!

Technorati Tags: President Obama, Election Limerick, Election Results, Campaign Verse, McCain Loses, Obama Wins

An Obsessive’s Lament (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Writing verse about Palin’s been fun.
But enough!  I must know who has won.
Although something disturbs me,
Alarms and perturbs me:
Just what shall I do when it’s done?

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Obsession Verse, Palin Poem, McCain Verse, Presidential Election, Mental Health, Election Winner, Election Results

Whenever John McCain is asked about Sarah Palin’s qualifications, he falls back on the paternal-sounding (and condescending) “I couldn’t be more proud” of Palin response.  But something tells me he doesn’t use the word “proud” in private:

McCain & Palin: The Not Ready For Prime Time Duo
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a ticket that can’t get along
Cuz the chemistry’s totally wrong.
John may claim to be proud
Of Gov. Palin out loud.
But his eyes say, “Give Sarah the gong!”

Technorati Tags: Palin Limerick, Republican Ticket, GOP Verse, McCain Palin Chemistry, Election Humor, Campaign Satire, McCain Humor, Presidential Verse

I’m a bit late on this.  But I was amused to read that Joe Klein has suffered the same fate as Maureen Dowd — banishment from the McCain / Palin planes:

Just Call It The McPettiness Express
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Beware of the wrath of McCain.
If you’re mean you’ll be barred from his plane.
You’ll join Klein and Mo Dowd –
That non-patriot crowd.
Wave goodbye to the “straight talk” campaign.

Technorati Tags: Joe Klein, Maureen Dowd, Press Verse, Straight Talk Express, McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor

It’s hard to believe, but Sarah Palin told People Magazine that she’s an “intellectual.” Sorry, Governor Palin, but I’ve known some intellectuals, and you ain’t no intellectual:

Does Sarah Palin Even Know What Intellectual Means?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin’s astonishing claim?
She’s a smart, “intellectual” dame.
That gal may be bright
And quite tough in a fight,
But her intellect’s woefully lame.

Technorati Tags: Governor Palin, Intellectual Humor, People Magazine, Campaign Satire

After seeing Sarah Palin prance around in so much stylish, pricey-looking apparel, I wrongly assumed Alaska was so sort of fashion Mecca.  But sorry, Alaska.  It turns out that Palin’s $150K wardrobe hails from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York and Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis, all courtesy of the RNC and personal shopper Jeff Larson.

So here’s what I want to know:  Does John McCain’s tax plan provide a $150K tax credit for personal shoppers?

Where’s My Personal Shopper?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin, you’re taking some heat
For your clothing which, granted, is neat.
But with budgets austere
Why wear clothing so dear?
And just who are you calling elite?

Technorati Tags: RNC, Republican National Committee, Jeff Larson, Sarah Palin Wardrobe, Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus, Pricey Clothing, Personal Shopper, Elite, Governor Palin, Senator McCain, Tax Credit, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

Cool news!  Nearly 4000 people submitted haiku to the McPalin Haiku Hysteria contest held by People For The American Way and The Nation Magazine.  And I’m one of the twelve finalists!!!  So I’d really appreciate your voting for my haiku here. The three winning haiku will be published in The Nation.

We were allowed to submit up to three haiku, and here are the three I submitted.  (The first one is the haiku that made the finals.)

Palin knows nothing
About the Constitution.
Puppets don’t have to.

An anti-choice veep
Who opposes free rape kits?
Thanks, John, but no thanks.

Would Palin court picks
Destroy the Constitution?
You betcha! Wink, wink.

Technorati Tags: Palin Haiku, Nation Magazine,  Haiku Contest, People For The American Way, PFAW Contest, Constitution Verse, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes?  Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented:

Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When Republicans get in a scrape,
Having said something bad their “escape”
Is to blithely deny
That they said it and lie.
Someone please tell these liars, there’s tape.

Technorati Tags: Recording Devices, GOP Lies, Michelle Bachmann, Robin Hayes, Dishonesty Humor

Sarah Palin has a very strange relationship with geography.  Who else do you know who:

1) Keeps an eye on Russia from her Alaska bedroom window;
2) Thinks Afghanistan is “our neighboring country;”
3) Describes New Hampshire as being part of our “great Northwest;” and
4) Tells crowds how much she enjoys visiting “pro-America areas” of America. 

Come to think of it, that last one does make some sense to me: Palin’s marriage to a (presumably reformed) secessionist, must surely make meeting pro-America Americans refreshing, indeed.

However,  I do remain concerned about Palin’s Afghanistan and New Hampshire problem:

Ode To Sarah “Geography-Challenged” Palin
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin’s geography gap
Is appalling. Please give her a map.
This isn’t a test,
But New Hampshire? Northwest?
On our “neighbor” Afghanistan’s lap?

Technorati Tags: Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, New Hampshire,  Afghanistan, Geography Humor, Alaska, Russia

Sarcastic air-quotes around “health” in “health of the mother”? Who the hell uses sarcastic air-quotes anymore … let alone when referring to women’s health? Big mistake, Senator McCain!

Which reminds me — during last night’s debate I had a revelation about the gravitas-test versus the guy-you’d-enjoy-having-a-beer-with-test.  In this year’s election, gravitas-guy (Obama)  is also the fellow I’d enjoy having a beer with … if only I liked beer:

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many voters ask:  Whose views are best,
As opposed to the drinking-pal test.
But whichever the measure,
Obama’s my pleasure.
McCain?  He’s a cranky old pest.

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, McCain Verse, Obama poem, “Health of the Mother, Debate Limerick, Presidential Election

My mother-in-law
Thinks Obama is Muslim —
Likes McCain.  Oy vey!

Technorati Tags: Mothers-in-law Humor, McCain Verse, Obama Haiku, Muslim Haiku, Relatives Humor

David Frum, infamous for fathering (or at least taking credit for fathering) the phrase “Axis of Evil,” took on the wrong person last night. I’m referring, of course, to Rachel Maddow.

Frum (without any provocation) insulted Maddow several times during his interview on Rachel’s MSNBC show.  And the classy and brilliant Maddow let him have it in such a gracious manner, Frum didn’t seem to know what hit him.  Bravo Rachel!!! 

The contrast between Frum’s rude,  condescending behavior and Maddow’s calm, graceful,  yet powerful  take-down was a beautiful thing to watch.  (You can see the Maddow/Frum clip here.) 

I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:

Ode To David Frum
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a fellow named Frum
Who made a mistake rather dumb:
He started a fight
With Ms. Maddow one night.
When she finished, he looked like a bum.

Technorati Tags: Rachel Maddow, David Frum, MSNBC, Media Humor, Maddow Limerick, Axis of Evil, Frum Verse

A  bipartisan legislative panel in Alaska finds Sarah Palin guilty of abusing her executive power.  So is Palin contrite?  Hahahahaha!

Actually, I’m find it tough to get my head around Palin’s response.  (Unlike so many Republicans, I’ve never been any  good at holding two contradictory positions at the same time.)

Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin this weekend disregarded an ethics investigator’s finding that she had abused her executive power as Alaska’s governor and instead embraced a second finding in the report to say that she had been cleared of wrongfully firing her state public safety commissioner. …

In a Saturday conference call with Alaska journalists, Palin said she was “pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there.” She denounced the investigation, calling it “a partisan circus.” …

Okay, I’m not positive, but here’s what seems to be the McCain campaign’s official response to the Troopergate ethics violation report: 

1) It  exonerates her; and

2) If it hadn’t been an Obama-controlled hit job, it would have exonerated her.

My head hurts.

Sarah In Wonderland
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So what is Gov. Palin’s excuse
For the finding of power abuse?
She pretends it ain’t there,
While she claims it ain’t fair,
With the facts playing games, fast and loose.

Technorati Tags: Governor Palin, Alaska Ethics Violation, Abuse of Executive Power, McCain Campaign, Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Presidential Election

Team Of Liars
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The McCain/Palin team now is rife
With liars, including John’s wife.
So it’s surely no shock
They’re defaming Barack.
As McCain might say:  John, get a life!

Technorati Tags: Cindy McCain, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Presidential Campaign Humor, Obama Verse

Here’s what I learned from the second presidential debate: If (heaven forbid) Election 2008 has to be resolved in court, the title of the case will be McCain v. That One.

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, That One, McCain Temper, Debate Snark, Obama Debate

It’s not easy to make Rudy Giuliani look like a class act. But both McCain and Palin have managed to do it quite handily.   While Rudy (on at least one occasion) had the decency to chide an audience member for connecting Democrats with terrorists, McCain and Palin apparently feel no such compunction. Why do I say that? Because they greet   anti-Obama audience-shouts like “Treason,”  “Terrorist!” and “Kill!” with silence.

McCain And Palin Make Rudy Look Like A Class Act
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain, I sure hope that you’re proud:
You and Palin prompt rage in a crowd.
Your supporters shout swill:
“Treason!”  “Terrorist!” “Kill!”
Even Rudy would say: Not allowed!

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Presidential Campaign, McCain Verse, Palin Poem, Giuliani Limerick, Democrats, Terrorists, Treason, Crowd Rage, Senator Obama