‘nough said

I cannot really imagine waking up to anything worse than boiling-hot water being poured on, in, and/or around my genital region. But for a Bradenton, FL man, this real-life nightmare was all too…well…real.

Yeesh. Who knows what this poor guy did to piss off his wife so bad that she resorted to these antics. No word on if this occurred in a trailer park (which would actually make a lot of sense). I’m going to assume it did - makes the story better. Further, the woman - Maverna Theresa Turay - did not give police a reason as to why she poured the piping hot water on her husband’s jewels, but did tell police that she had been “drinking alcohol”. Hmmmm, verrry interesting. I never would have suspected alcohol to be an intrical part of this story. Go figure!

According to the sheriff’s report, the poor fella “ran out of the house screaming while a relative called 911″. That must have been an interesting scene for the neighbors. And I can only imagine the 911 call from the relative: “Ok, wait, so she poured what on his what?!”

I hope the man makes a full recovery. Let this be a lesson to all you gentlemen out there - if you piss off your significant other, do not leave your groin exposed, because somehow, someway, 98.6% of the time they will resort to pouring scalding liquid on your man-region.

Sweet dreams!

Tomoji Tanabe of Japan is the world’s oldest man. The dudester is seriously old - 113 years of age to be exact. Recently, he celebrated his birthday, partyin’ like twas 1899.

He told reporters that he eats a lot, but strictly avoids alcohol, cigarettes, and snacks. If avoiding the fun things in life allow you to live really long, then please count me out of the future centenarians club.

Mr. Tanabe says he is “happy”. That’s all fine and dandy, but seriously, who wants to live to be 113 years old? What the heck do you do every day that makes you want to keep living at that point? What does Tomoji do every day, all day? Most likely, all of his friends have been dead for years, and he doesn’t drink. That leaves very few options for entertainment. He said he likes to “peruse” the newspaper. Yea, I like to do that too - for about fifteen minutes. Then what does he do for the rest of the fifteen hours and forty-five minutes a day that he is awake? But I digress.

Well, as the old (sorry for the pun but I had to) saying goes, it’s not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years. And you know what? If he is happy, then gosh darnit, I’m happy for him, too. Cheers to Tomoji. I’ll toss back a saki bomb in your honor.

Kids just want to have a good time.  Maybe dabble in the world of pre-marital sexual intercourse.  Here’s a great story on what happens when a boyfriend chooses the wrong daughter and the wrong time. 

What’s so funny about this story is that I can’t help to wonder if the boyfriend had to hop on his huffy naked back to the tree house.  Its too bad for the dad who had to do what he had to do to protect his daughter and most of all his authority in the house.  Instead of arresting the man, I would give him a key to the city.  One less teenage daughter that’s never getting pregnant.

Let that be a lesson to all those damn teenage boys with your acne, long hair, and little peepee’s. Don’t sneak in your girlfriend’s house and decide to show off your boyhood.

Hate them or love them - love them or hate them - never heard of them or Tivo them daily - kinda like them or don’t give a crap - the GEICO Cavemen have developed a cult-like following over the past few years. The obsession continues with a clever installment in the most recently released round o’ commercials.

Personally, I absolutely love these commercials. I shriek with child-like enthusiasm when new “episodes” appear. They make me laugh and I don’t really know why. They are cavemen - hilarious, hilarious cavemen. Besides that, I have no explanation for you except that the spots are original and catchy and usually have great tunes playing in harmony with the excellent on-screen action.

So go ahead world, and feast your eyes on said glory. I know I will. Mmmm. Now that’s delicious eye candy.

Aaaand so the pussification of America continues. A common story seems to be emerging more and more often in America. These days, it is almost impossible to go a week without hearing about another incident involving over-the-top, ridiculous parents. Their crazy antics continued recently when a nine-year-old was banned from his baseball league because he was too good.

What kind of a weenie coach forfeits the game because the other team’s pitcher is too good? I can just hear the coach’s speech now: Continue Reading »

Since Rafael Nadal became a professional tennis player four years ago it was apparent that he possessed a relentless will to win, uncanny tennis talent, and a positively voyeuristic affinity for picking his butt on [inter]national television.

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I’ve got to hand it the Chinese again.  They come up with the most creative ways to do everything… Even how Chinese gang members can make a quick buck is remarkable.

Sure, we’ve all heard of goons and thugs killing people for money (everyone knows the premise behind Grand Theft Auto).  Maybe the target was a high-ranking member of a rival gang or mafia.  Or maybe the target just pissed off the wrong Tony Montana, and decided to sniff lines of cocaine off Scarface’s kid sister in the bathroom of the Babylon Club.  Whichever the case, this story has to be the most appealing.

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The Olympics are finally over and so much credit can be given to the host country, China.  They are exceptional hosts and deserve all the thanks in the world.  I wish them good luck in going forward…Just don’t engage a war the U.S. with your 200 million standing army, please.

Alright, now that the blessings and sappy stuff is out of the way… lets get the recap.  

There were many winners in the 29^th Olympics games…

There were also many losers in the 29^th Olympic games…

Here’s a parallel comparison…

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The Olympics are soon over.  Update commencing…

USA and China are finally separating in the medal count. Although China has an overwhelming edge over the Americans in Gold medals, the US has the overall total in their favor.  China has improved so much from the Olympics prior.  It’s obvious that their strategy was to concentrate on the least popular sports (with the exception of Gymnastics) and try to take the Gold in those categories.  One problem though, there are 81 gold medals given in Swimming and Track and Field combined.  If China’s goal was to defeat the US in the medal count, then they had to dump some time into the most popular and most Gold-pungent events in the Olympics.  A good analogy would be like a Presidential Candidate not campaigning in California and New York. Continue Reading »